


you give me comfort

by shinenct



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Confessions, Depression, Hearing Voices, Help, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Platonic Relationships, Recovery, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:47:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23824069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinenct/pseuds/shinenct
Summary: donghyuck and mark have always been the best of friends.but what will they do when both of them are struggling but not opening up about it
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 48





	you give me comfort

**Author's Note:**

> this is big sad im sorry. enjoy!!

donghyuck and mark had always been the best of friends since trainee days. they were practically inseparable. they were together when they had dance lessons, when they had lunch, when they caused trouble. everything was done together. they knew each other inside out, so when they were facing difficulties, they always knew who to turn to...

"ugh why cant i get this dance move right its so easy, everyone got it already, except me" donghyuck grumbled as he kept repeating that one move of kick it over and over again.

"yah, lee donghyuck take a break won't you you've been on that part for a whole hour" mark nagged as he threw a bottle of water towards donghyuck who happily catched it and downed it in one go.

"i cant hyung, everyone else got it already i need to be better" donghyuck said dejectedly. he sat down at the corner of the practice room, with tears welling up in his eyes, as he thought about how much of a failure he was.

"hyuck ah, its okay, no one blames you, we all take a long time too, yah dont cry" mark panickly said as the tears that were once welled up in donghyuck's eyes made its eay down his sun-kissed face.

"hyuck, you know you can tell me if you arent doing good right?"

truth to be told, mark had noticed the change in donghyuck over the past few weeks. it wasnt that noticeable. maybe donghyuck had purposely hid it. but he started noticing how donghyuck smiled less, laughed less. how his smile looked so force, how he ate less how his room started becoming messier day by day. he knew it all but he wanted to wait till donghyuck was ready to tell him what was going on. it was subtle, but for a person who spent all his time with donghyuck for the past few years, it was obvious.

"then why dont you tell be yours hyung?" donghyuck lolked up teary-eyed, giving him a small smile.

mark froze. he didnt expect that donghyuck knew. he didnt think that anyone knew. about his sleepless nights, abotu his panic attacks, about his fingers that he couldnt get to stop shaking, how he went to the bathroom only to collapse into a panic attack before performances or shows. he didnt think that anyone would know.

"w-what are you talking about hyuck ah?"

"you know hyung, i dont have to spell it out for you" donghyuck rolled his eyes.

"fine i tell you mine and you tell me yours. fair?"

that was going to be one long night.

"okay lets start"

it was 1am and they were both huddled up on donghyucks bed in his own room. thankfully donghyuck was one of the luckier members who got their own room.

"well, i dont really know whats wrong with me. i feel so tired these days, no matter how much i sleep, i wake up feeling like i never slept at all. i dont have any energy in my body to do all those things i regularly do. i dont even know when was the last time i played overwatch. my appetite decreased too. you know hyung, i can eat 3 bowls of ramen in one go with no problem right? now i struggle to finish even 1, one hyung. i dont know whats wrong. when i look at myself in the mirror, i weight i have lost, but i just cant put it back on. whenever we dance, the voices just haunt me you know, telling me that im a horrible dancer, that i didnt deserve to be in nct, that im just a burdern to the hyungs, that they hate me. im trying my best to ignore them. i really am. but its hurts so much mark hyjng, i really cant take it anymore. somedays i just feel like jumping off the building or taking some sleeping pills. i want to hurt myself, cut myself but im scared that someone sees. i dont want their pity you know? when the managers criticize me i just get even worse, i know im bad but they just had to emphasise it and stuff it into my face. i dont know hyung im just a mess really i cant take this anymore.

by the time donghyuck was done, he was already crying buckets. mark swiftly pulled donghyuck into his arms as he whispered words of comfort and apologies for not noticing earlier. "im sorry hyuck ah... sorry...sorry"

donghyuck pulled away as he wiped the tears with his jacket sleeve. "hyung, y-your turn" he said as he sniffed.

"hyuck ah, uhm, you must be tired go sleep." mark tried to change the topic but-

"no hyung you promised"

"fine"

"well uh, its been a few years, i honestly lost track, i dont know how it happened but i just started sleeping really badly. my sleep was affected so badly to the point where i almost fainted while practicing due to exhaustion. but i just couldnt sleep. from 7 hours to 6 to 5 to 4 to 3 to 2... i honestly have been struggling to get above 3 hours of sleep a day. there are msny days that i just pull an all nighter. i really want to sleep, i know i have to, but i just cant. i dont know hyuck. one day before our performance, i felt a little on edge for some reason. but i ignored it. when i reached back to dorms, i just crumbled and let out my feelings as quietly as possible, i didnt know what was happening. i was crying, shaking, sweating, my heart was beating as if i just ran 1km. i didnt know what to do. i felt scared hyuck. it still happens now, but i guess i got better at controlling."

"hyung, i didnt know you went through that much" donghyuck buried his face into marks neck.

"its okay, im fine"

"no you arent hyung, stop saying you are fine when you are struggling inside please."

mark sighed. he knew he shouldnt be doing this, telling his worries to the younger will just make him more worried about his well being.

"hyuck lets make a deal. we dont tell anyone this, but when we are having a tough time we come to each other ok?"

**donghyuck nodded**

things were okay. for a while.

when donghyuck felt like dying he went to mark, when mark felt a panic attack coming, he went to donghyuck. they both were each others comforts and they both helped each other get over their problems. however it was only a matter of time before something will go wrong.

that day was a horrible day. donghyuck woke up late and was late for dream practice. this resulted in a huge scolding by his manager as their comeback was in a week. he felt so disheartened that he could not focus during lractice which made the dream members all glare at him for wasting their time. he felt so bad and was such a burden.

he wanted to go to mark. but he realised that today was mark's free day and he finally slept after a while and did not want to disturb him. 

"i can do this"

things didnt get better. his voice cracked a total of 47 times while recording. the producer got so fed up that he just told donghyuck to come back the next day. 

donghyuck was so disappointed in himself. he failed himself, he failed the producer, he failed dream, he failed the manager, heck he even failed mark. 

"whats the point of even living" donghyuck thought as he walked back to dorm. he had spent so much time recording that everyone left already.

the voices were just getting louder and louder. "go kill yourself" "jump of the building" "eat sleeping pills" "no one loves you anyway"

"SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP PLEASE" donghyuck covered his ears as he just squatted at the corner of the road as he begged the voices to stop tormenting him. thank god it was late at night so no one was out on the streets.

donghyuck opened the door with his souless eyes. he hoped that everyone was asleep, as he went to the bathroom...

he grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills and poured all of them out. "the more the better right?" he thought as he smiled weakly.

"im sorry nct"  
"im sorry mum and dad"  
"im sorry manager nim"  
"im sorry sm"  
"im sorry nctzens"  
"im sorry mark"

just before he ate the pills, he heard a loud bang at the door which caused him to drop all of his pills.

"HYUCK ARE YOU INSIDE? HYUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

it was mark.

donghyuck shivered and started shaking as tears rolled down his cheeks. he suddenly realsued what he was about to do and broke down completely.

mark had somehow got the door to open and rushed in to hug donghyuck. "its okay hyuck, im here im here"

mark thanked the god his insomnia acted up that night.

he was flipping around on bed. he then gave up sleeping and wanted to go to the living room. he walked past the toilet when he heard the sound of pills being poured out. not one, but many. 

but who could it be? everyone was sleeping. 

hyuck. oh shit yea he didnt come home when i went to bed.

mark ran to the door as he tapped it calling for hyucks name. he heard the sound of pills dropping to the floor and quickly he picked the lock and went in.

"hyuck, lets tell taeyong, lets get help, hyuck we cant live like this."

once again, **donghyuck nodded**.

the process wasnt easy.

trying to form the appropriate words to tell taeyong was so difficult. however, when things came out, taeyong was so understanding. he immediately informed the management and mark and donghyuck were sent to the pyschiatrist to get a proper diagnosis.

mark was diagnosed with insonmia and general anxiety disorder while donghyuck was diagnosed with severe depression.

sm was obviously not happy. they were the golden duo, the one that everyone knew. but he knew that he needed to do whats best for them, for the two to recover well, for them to become happy again.

nct found out sooner or later, all of them apologizing for not noticing earlier. that night was a night full of tears, hugs, comforts and cuddles. nct became so much more bonded after that night. 

the managers so apologized for putting unnecessary pressure of them which might have worserned their condition. of course, donghyuck and mark being angels forgave them almost immediately.

recovery was going to be slow and tough. but mark and donghyuck knew that they had one another and that everything was going to be fine.

_"hyuck, we will be fine"_

_**breaking news** _

_sm entertainment announces the hiatus of members lee haechan and mark lee from nct. it has been revealed that mark is suffering from insomnia and anxiety and haechan is suffering from depression._

_hi this is sm entertainment,_

_lee haechan and mark lee have been suffering mentally for quite some time now. i priortise my artists health and thus both of them will be on a hiatus to focus on their recovery until further notice. please give them your well wishes in this tough period of time. thank you_

**get well soon mark and haechan!!**

**Author's Note:**

> if you guys need help please do not be afraid to seek help you can talk through the comments as well. thanks for reading! hope you guys enjoyed!! 
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated!


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